Bridal Blues

Also dubbed post-wedding-blues or post-wedding depression

As I was getting closer to our wedding day, the thought running through my head was, "I'm going to be so glad when all this planning, crafting, DIY-ing is done. I'm going to come home every night after work and do nothing. It'll be glorious."

How wrong I was. Don't get me wrong, after the wedding finished, I let out a huge sign of relief and hugged Keegan for a job well done. We had planned, financed and executed what will most likely be the biggest party of our lives. We had organized friends and families from two different countries, numerous different states and uncounted different cities. We fed, entertained and interacted with said guests. Oh, and we got married too.

The first few days of the honeymoon were full of wedded bliss. We had traveled close to 20 hours in total to finally collapse on our bed in the Smokey Mountains that would be ours for the next week. We went out and explored, vegged in front of the Olympics and ate whatever we wanted without fear of fitting into dresses and tuxes. On day 4 of the honeymoon, however, I started getting the itch. The itch to do something. I had spent the last 10 months coming home from work, spending my weekends and some work hours (sssshhhh) researching, contacting vendors, crafting and planning. I didn't know what to do with myself now that I didn't have to do something. My body and mind had forgotten how to just relax. How to just sit in front of the T.V. without folding programs or making invitations. How to go to bed without a million and one thoughts about linens, colors, people and things running through my head.

I didn't think that I would get the bridal blues. I figured that after the wedding was over, I'd just go back to my before-wedding life and that would be that. I'd come home from work, hang out with Keegan, eat dinner, and eventually go to bed. Our weekends wouldn't be used for wedding things anymore. We could go places! See people! Sleep in! I was wrong. I'm still getting used to the fact that we don't really have anything to do besides go to work, eat, clean the house, and sleep. Honestly, I kind of miss the feeling of running around like a chicken with its head cut off that came with wedding planning.

I find myself staring at the computer because I don't really know what to do. I don't have DIY ideas to look up, vendors to contact, schedules to plan. Now, I just check my email, Facebook, blogs and that's about it. Throw in some Pintrest when I'm especially bored and I'm done.

Our house is still a mess of wedding related things. Presents and programs are scattered all over our living room. We've just now started to unpack presents and actually use them. Even though the mess bugs the crap out of me, I'm not 100% ready to put it away. I honestly don't know what to do with 20 extra programs or 75 tissue packets that no one used because they weren't put out. Half of  me doesn't want to throw away or put away the wedding memories. The other half just doesn't want to deal with wedding related things anymore.

I've found myself almost mourning my wedding. It bugs me to look at wedding related things because I keep thinking to myself, "Oh I was going to do that!" or "I wish I had done that instead!" Don't, get me wrong, I love my wedding and how it turned out, and I realize that it was just one day in a lifetime of days with Keegan, but it's still hard to get out of that planning mindset. Honestly, I've hated anyone who's asked about the wedding. I know that they're just curious and are hoping that everything went well, but I don't want to talk about it. I don't think I've fully processed it yet, and no matter how many times someone asks me, I don't feel different.

I know that one day, hopefully soon, I'll get over this. I'll stop thinking about wedding things and start wishing to see my wedding pictures. Someday, my life will be full of thoughts of dogs and babies. Until then, I'm just going to let myself "mourn" and give the side-eye to anyone who asks about the wedding. Eventually, I'll pack up the wedding stuff and unpack the presents. I'll turn the "wedding room" back into my studio like it was intended and I'll start doing DIY things for around the house and our eventual kids. I'll be able to talk to my engaged friends about their wedding without wanting to punch them in the face for asking how I did X, Y or Z. It'll happen one day, but until then, unless you want a popsicle stick to the jugular, don't ask how the wedding went.