I Have A Confession...The Finale

So after purchasing a dress I wasn't crazy about, hoping against hope that it would turn out better than it was, and then seeing it at my first dress fitting, how do I feel about it now?

Meh. I'm still pretty whatever about everything. I go through spurts of not caring much at all and being pretty down. I keep telling myself that it's just a dress and the dress doesn't make me a bride. Marrying Keegan makes me a bride and our marriage is the most important thing about that day. Then, I watch Say Yes to the Dress (why I do this to myself, I don't know,) and I see all of these girls finding their dream dress. I get upset that I didn't have that OMG moment, that I feel like I settled for something I wasn't 100% in love with. Then I go back to not caring. It's a viscous cycle.

I don't want to blame anyone for what happened. It wasn't the my consultant's fault at Victoria's Bridal. It was my own fault for having an image in my head of what I wanted and not having any other options. After looking at my dresses folder these days, I realize that I was interested in a lot of other styles besides all lace. I've saved dresses with pockets, color, and beading. Looking back, I realized I really wanted (and still want) a dress with pockets.

After my appointment with Victoria's Bridal, I should have stepped back, found other inspiration photos, and made another appointment either with Victoria's Bridal, or another shop. I was so focused on finding a dress while I was in Missouri with my family that I didn't think that making another appointment was an option. I was worried that I only had 8 months until my wedding and that I had to find a dress now. In retrospect, I wish I had gone back to Mississippi, found more inspiration photos and made more appointments at other shops. I wish I had shopped around.

If I had made other appointments, I would have told my consultants that my budget was more around the $1,000 mark so that tax and alterations wouldn't have put me over my budget. Again, I don't blame my consultant for that. I've watched enough episodes of Say Yes to the Dress that I know consultants want to make a sale and that they'll push the budget envelope for a bigger sale. I should have asked the price of the dress before putting it on and told her that I wasn't comfortable paying that much.

Overall, I've learned a lot from this experience. Granted, it doesn't really help me much now, but I hope that I can help other brides, and perhaps my sisters down the road. If anyone asks me how my dress buying experience went, I will tell them honestly. I will tell them to slow down, shop around, and don't feel pressured to spend more than you want.

I'm not horribly worried about my wedding day. I've decided that the dress is just that, a dress. It won't ruin my wedding day because no matter what I wear, I will still get married to the love of my life. I'm planning on bringing a short white dress so that if I absolutely hate my dress by the reception, I can change and dance the night away.

My wedding is going to be about friends and family getting together to watch Keegan and I make life promises to each other. In 20 years, it won't matter what I wore. What will matter is that Keegan and I are still as in love with each other as when we first spoke our vows. Even though my dress buying experience didn't go exactly how I expected it to, it won't ruin my wedding.

I hope that my story can help other brides who have just started looking at dresses, are in the middle of trying dresses on, or have had experiences like mine. Weddings are portrayed as magical with rainbows and pink fluffy hearts, but sometimes things don't go as planned. These things don't need to define our wedding. What matters is that we will be promising ourselves to our loved one for the rest of our lives. A dress, food, favors, or chairs shouldn't change that.

I Have a Confession...Part 2

So when we left off, I had just purchased my wedding dress. Mistake #4 was the fact that I didn't ask the price of the dress before I agreed to buy it, so after tax, it came out to be a little over $1,600.

I left the appointment feeling down and extremely confused. I had an appointment at David's Bridal next, but I didn't see the point in keeping the appointment since I had just purchased a dress. My mom suggested I keep the appointment so that we could look at bridesmaids dresses. I called Keegan to tell him to meet us at DB. He asked how the appointment at Victoria's Bridal had gone and I told him I would tell him later about it. He could tell in my voice that something was wrong.

We met up at David's Bridal and eventually got through purchasing bridesmaids dresses for my two sisters. I let my concern and disappointment ruin the fun of picking out dresses for my sisters which I really regret now. Back at my parent's house I emailed Victoria's Bridal to see if they could send me the make and model (for lack of better words) of the dress I had just purchased. They did (The designer was Robin Jillian and the style is Amelia Anne if you're interested) and after an hour or two of searching, I found out that my Robin Jillian doesn't allow pictures of her dresses to be put online. Of course there are a few pictures that brides have taken secretly, but none of them were of my dress.

With my history of forgetting important things, I was now faced with 5-6 months of wondering if I had chosen the right dress with no pictures of my dress or being able to recall what it looked like. I questioned my decision for a few weeks and then forgot about the dress. I figured that it was just a dress, it was over and done with. If I tried it on at my first fitting and hated it, I would deal with it then.

I got a call in mid May saying my dress had come in. I set up an appointment for the Saturday Keegan and I were going back to Missouri for my sister's graduation and promptly started worrying about the dress again. Would it fit? How would I feel about it after forgetting what it looked like for 5 months? I hoped that it had magically turned into a dress that I loved, that I was just confused when I picked it out. I was hopeful.

My dad and I ended up going to my dress fitting together because my mom had to be at my sister's graduation. I met with the seamstress at Victoria's Bridal (who was great) and she took me into a dressing room. We made small talk, I got naked in front of her, and we threw on my dress. I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror.

Scram Keegan. Dress pictures ahead.

 

Honestly, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The corset made my waist look smaller than it is. However, where the corset lacing ends makes my butt look big. It made my dad cry, but it made me sweat bullets just standing there while I was being pinned. My boobs are covered and I'm not showing too much cleavage, but the beads are itchy.

The seamstress pinned my hem and we decided on a bustle. In about 30 minutes, the alterations were done and I payed the rest of the money I owed. After alterations, my total for my dress was a little over $1,800. Only $300 over my budget, but I can't believe that I spent that much money on a dress that I will wear for maybe 10 hours total. That's almost as much as I spent on my first car. Esh.

So how do I feel about the whole situation today? You'll have to wait to find out!

I Have A Confession...

I'm not in love with my wedding dress.

Now as you pick your jaws up off the floor and before you kick me out of the brides-to-be club, let's start from the beginning.

Before Keegan and I even got engaged, I would save pictures of dresses while I was Stumbling around the Internet. I had a folder of bookmarked pages of dresses that I wanted to try on when Keegan eventually asked the question.

Then on October 7, Keegan popped the question. After figuring out the date and overall feeling of our wedding, I decided dress shopping would be the logical next step. Since my mom and sisters live in Missouri, while I'm currently stuck living in Mississippi, we figured the best time to dress shop would be right after the Christmas holiday while Keegan and I were visiting.

On that January day, we left Keegan with my dad to do manly things while my mom, sisters, and I drove to Jefferson City, MO where I had an appointment with Victoria's Bridal. We walked in, met my consultant, and got down to work. My consultant asked me words to describe my wedding, what kind of dresses I was looking for, and my price range. I told her that since Keegan would be buying my dress, I didn't want to go over $1,500 including alterations and tax. She told me that they "don't figure in those prices," so I figured she would pick dresses in the lower $1,000 range so that alterations and tax wouldn't put me over my budget. Mistake #1.

Let's step back a second. A few weeks before my appointment, I found a picture of THE DRESS.

Source

I emailed numerous bridal stores in both Mississippi and Missouri and Victoria's Bridal was the best bet. They didn't have THE DRESS, but they did have dresses by the designer, Allure Bridal. I was so focused on getting a dress similar to THE DRESS that I didn't really bring any more inspiration pictures or ideas. Mistake #2.

So after talking to my consultant, she brought in dresses similar to THE DRESS as well as ones that she picked out for me. I put on an all lace dress and automatically hated it. Of course I'm nowhere near sample size so the dress was too small for me, but it made me look pregnant. Not something I wanted to look like on my wedding day. As soon as I saw myself in the mirror, I didn't want to show my family, but since I had been talking about THE DRESS so much, I figured I should show them how it had become the HELL NO dress.

My consultant opened the doors slightly, my family saw for a split second, and the doors closed. All of a sudden my dress appointment had gone from a happy exciting experience to making me feel like a fat cow with no other dress inspiration in my head. My consultant asked me which dress I wanted to try on next and I honestly had no idea. I told her to pick ones that she thought would look good on me and we tried two or three more. One of the dresses ultimately became my dress.

This dress doesn't resemble in the slightest the dresses I had saved in my dress folder all those months ago. Instead of lace, there's beading. Instead of it fitting close to the body, it's an A-line. Because this dress was so far away from all of my inspiration pictures, I wasn't 100% sure how I felt in it. However, my mom liked, if not loved, it. My sisters showed a little interest in the dress which was more than they had showed for anything else. Since I got lukewarm approval from my sisters and mom, I bought it. Mistake #3. 

To be continued...

That One Day Where I Failed As A Girl...

Today, Keegan and I drove to BiggerTown, Alabama (as opposed to our SmallTown Mississippi,) to do some shopping. After getting lunch, we went to Target, mainly because I had to pick up some makeup for my makeup trial at the end of June.

I was nervous about this trip. I never go down the makeup aisles. The makeup aisles scare me. I don't wear makeup in my daily life, and I think the last time I wore any makeup of any sort was my senior prom....5 years ago (where I wore teal eye liner...don't ask.) I was never taught how to wear makeup and honestly, I've just never felt that I've needed to wear it. Don't get me wrong, I have less than perfect skin, and I turn as red as a tomato extremely easily, but I've just accepted my skin and have never felt the need to cover it up with makeup.

Now, Keegan's cousin, and one of my bridesmaids, has graciously said that she will do my makeup and hair for the wedding free of charge. I just had to pick out eye liner, mascara, and foundation to match my skin tone. The first thought when she said this was...."how?" I mean, it's not like you can open up every container in the store and try some on to see how it matches your face. I figured between Keegan and I, we could find something that worked.

Anyways, back to Target. Last night, when looking at coupons for Target, I noticed that there was a coupon for Rimmel's "ScandalEyes" mascara and a coupon for any L'Oreal product. "Well, that makes it easier," I thought to myself. "I'll just buy that mascara and try to find some L'Oreal foundation that matches my skin tone." Yep, that's right. I picked my beauty products only because I had coupons for them. I'm obviously versed in the art of makeup buying.

Fast forward to today, where Keegan and I slowly venture down the makeup aisles. I find the L'Oreal products and decide that I don't want liquid foundation; it just looks too....goopy. L'Oreal has their "True Match Naturale" gentle mineral makeup which looked like it would be lighter and less heavy on my face. I look at the chart that describes how to pick out your "perfect shade" and start to freak out a little bit. I turn to Keegan, and ask, "Am I a warm, neutral, or cool shade?" He decides that my face is more warm, due to the fact that my cheeks are always red. It's that darn Irish blood in me. I look at the warm options and find the palest bottle. I hold it up to my arm and it seems like a close enough match. Next, onto the mascara.

We find the Rimmel section and search for the "ScandalEyes." The bright orange tube jumps out at me and the first thought I had was, "It's huge!" I'm used to seeing my mom's pink and green tube of mascara which is itty-bitty compared to this highlighter-orange monster. After looking at the other options, the ScandalEyes is the cheapest, especially with my coupon, so I throw it into the cart.

I then remembered that I was told to get "brown-black" eye liner. I know that back in high school, I bought $.99 black eye liner at Target (during my angsty teenager days,) so I start searching. After 5 rows of makeup, I still can't find it. Finally, on the end of the last aisle, I find pencils for $1.97. Good enough. Only problem? There's no brown-black. However, there is a dark brown pencil, so I figured it would be good enough.

We go to the check out counter and the cashier starts ringing up our items. The eye liner rings up as $4.97. I turn to Keegan and say, "Wasn't that pencil only $1.97?" He agrees and the cashier looks up at us, her eyes questioning if we're going to make a fuss and ask her to look up the price. I look at the line of people waiting to check out and tell her that it's ok, we'll just pay the extra $3. We walk out of Target and get in the car. I look at the receipt and calculate that we've just spent over $20 in makeup; more than I have ever spent in my life.

Now I have foundation, mascara and eye liner on my bathroom counter, staring at me. Half of me wants to try it out, the other half knows that I'll make myself look like a clown. I guess I'll just wait until June and see if Keegan's cousin can turn my tomato face into something less clown-like.

So, how do you like my makeup selection technique? Have I doomed my wedding by buying makeup that I have no idea about? Am I going to look like a clown in my pictures? Anyone have some tips to share so I can be less makeup-challenged? Please tell me that I'm not the only one who didn't get the girly makeup gene. 

Program Fans

We're having our wedding in August in Missouri. Missouri + August = hot and muggy. We hope to combat some of the heat by having a later ceremony (starts at 5,) under a bunch of trees (yay shade!) as well as having program fans.

I've wanted to have program fans since before I was engaged. I always loved the look of them and the fact that they serve a purpose other than explaining what is going on during the ceremony is always a plus.

I don't remember where I found the first image of a program fan, but I've taken inspiration from Mrs. High Wire.

Source

I love the fact that she put a word search on the back of her programs. What a fun way to keep your guests entertained while they're waiting! 

Keegan and I put the majority of our ceremony together today, so I thought I would knock out a few drafts of our program fans as well.

Originally, I thought I would do a game like a word search or a crossword on the back of our fans as well like this: 

Imagine this folded in half

(Personal image, click to make bigger) 

But then I thought that the readings we are incorporating into our ceremony are really important to us. We want our guests to be able to read along and understand the words our readers are saying and understand why they are important to us.

Imagine this folded in half

(personal image, click to make bigger)

I showed Keegan both drafts and he can't decide which one he likes more. He feels that the one with the crossword is more fun and "us," but he agrees that having the readings for guests to read is a good idea. I'm afraid that the one with the readings is too busy. When printed, it's not difficult to read, but we do have some...*ahem* older guests, so I don't want to make it difficult for them.

Suggestions? Opinions? Is the program with the quotes too difficult to read? Will our guests need entertaining while waiting for us to walk down the aisle? Am I over thinking this?

Wedding VIPs

Keegan and I, well more like I, decided to invite some VIPs to our wedding. 

Can't quite read who it is? 

Yep, we're inviting The President and Minnie & Micky Mouse to our wedding. Do I think they'll actually come? Uh no. But it'll be fun to get something like this: 

Source

And this: 

Source

We sent one to Minny & Micky at Walt Disney World and Disneyland to increase our chances of getting a response. 

If you want to invite some VIPs to your wedding, the addresses are: 

The Honorable and Mrs. Barack Obama

The White House, Greetings Office, Room 39

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW

Washington, District of Columbia 20502 

Mickey & Minnie Mouse

The Magic Kingdom

1675 North Buena Vista Drive

Lake Buena Vista, Florida 32830


Mickey & Minnie Mouse

The Walt Disney Company

500 South Buena Vista Street

Burbank, California 91521

You can also send one to the Pope, but I've head he only responds if you're Catholic. We're not so we didn't bother sending one to him. 

Pope Benedictus XVI

Prefettura della Casa Pontifica

00210 Citta del Vaticano

Italia

Feeding The Crowd

(Originally posted 5.23.12)

This past weekend, Keegan and I traveled to Missouri to do a number of wedding things as well as see my middle sister graduate and my youngest sister's dance recital (it was an extremely packed Saturday.)

Anyways, the first thing we did Saturday was our food tasting with Hy-Vee in Columbia. I'll admit it, I was nervous for this tasting. Since Hy-Vee is a grocery store, I figured the food wouldn't be the best, especially since we're only paying $8 per person. I figured we would leave the tasting less than thrilled and would have to scramble to find another caterer in the next few weeks.

Boy was I wrong.

Trevor, Hy-Vee's catering coordinator, came out with a bunch of food for us. We had told him that we wanted to try out their pasta bar so he brought out small bowls full of penne with Alfredo and marinara sauce as well as some meatballs. He also brought out a plate of small sandwiches and chicken wings in honey BBQ sauce and spicy wing sauce. I had totally forgotten that I had mentioned that I wanted to try some of their appetizers so I was pleasantly surprised with the addition of the sandwiches and wings. Trevor also brought out pieces of cake in chocolate, white and a chocolate-peanut butter mix.

We all sampled the pasta first while Trevor explained that we can pick two different pastas, two sauces, and one meat topping. The Alfredo sauce was a bit watery, but Trevor explained that it wouldn't be that way for our wedding. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the pasta. I'm somewhat picky about my Alfredo sauces, but Hy-Vee's was great. The marinara sauce was equally good and the meatball was amazing. Possibly the best meatball I've ever tasted.  The only problem was it was large, and hard to cut with plastic silverware, so Trevor said he could provide their appetizer size meatballs for easier consumption.

While Trevor continued to explain our choices, I chowed down on a wing. The sauce wasn't too spicy, but had a nice kick to it. I didn't try the honey BBQ one, but Keegan said he enjoyed both of them. We were thinking about serving the wings with the pasta, they were that good, but we figured that would be an odd combination. Keegan and my mom tried the sandwiches, but we ultimately decided that we are not going to have any appetizers.

Next up was the cake. I'm not a huge fan of buttercream and I knew that Hy-Vee made a whipped cream frosting, so I asked for that with the samples. The cake was moist, sweet but not too sweet, and the whipped cream frosting was perfect. We tried both chocolate and white cake, as well as our own concoction of chocolate and peanut butter. We loved all of them and even had enough cake to take home to my dad and sisters.

Ultimately our tasting went better than I expected. We are extremely happy with Hy-Vee's food and can't wait to serve it at our wedding.

Our guests will feast upon:
~ fettuccine and penne pasta
~ Alfredo and marinara sauce
~ meat balls 
~ Caesar salad
~ garlic breadsticks

Drinks:
~ Keg of Boulevard Wheat beer, made in Kansas City, MO
~ 12 bottles of Les Bourgeois wine (6 white, 6 red.) The winery is about a 45 minute drive from Columbia.  
~ tea, lemonade and bottled water

Sweet Stuff:
~ We're having a mix of the chocolate, white, and chocolate-peanut butter cupcakes with the whipped
   cream frosting.
~ A small cake for us to cut. We originally wanted to do a huge cupcake, but Hy-Vee doesn't have the molds. I let Keegan choose the cake and he wanted white.
~ There may or may not be a groom's cake in the works. Shhh, it's a surprise!
~ There also might be an appearance of family recipe cookies later in the night.
~ S'mores! This was the one thing I knew I wanted since before we got engaged. The pavilion has a couple of grills just outside the door which will be perfect for roasting marshmallows on.

Hy-Vee will also provide the plates, cups, silverware, chafing dishes, napkins and service for up to 2 hours. They would have provided linens for the tables, but we already bought some. They will provide linens for the serving tables. Since we're having a keg, Trevor suggested getting bigger cups than the ones they will be providing specifically for the beer. Now we're on the hunt for "classy" SOLO cups, or something similar. Anyone have any ideas?

So this is what our guests will be eating on our wedding day. I'm beyond excited to see this happen. Our tasting has been in the works since February, so finally meeting Trevor and deciding what we're going to serve was a huge weight off my shoulders. This was the last big piece of the puzzle, and I'm so glad it came together so easily.

One discussion that Keegan and I had last night. Would it be easier for guests to eat pasta and sauce on a plastic plate or bowl? I'm thinking bowl, but Keegan thinks that a plate will suffice. Any opinions? I don't want our guests trying to spear a piece of penne and it shooting off a plate and getting on their nice clothes.
 

Ceremony Change Up

(Originally posted 5.21.12)

So this past weekend, Keegan and I drove the 8+ hours up to Missouri to see my middle sister graduate from high school and to get some wedding things done.

I'll post later on our caterer and other wedding things we did over the weekend, but right now I want to talk about our ceremony space.

We're having our ceremony at Stephens Park and our reception at the Riechmann Pavilion on the park grounds.

When we first booked the park for our wedding, the park staff had just started a pretty big project revamping some of the grounds including three semi-circular rock spaces.This project was also supposed to include flower gardens and other landscaping.

In January, we looked at the space and decided to have our ceremony in one of the semi-circle rock areas providing they were done in August.

Fast forward to this past weekend, and the areas haven't really changed.

The space nearest to the pavilion has a bench in the middle which we though we'd stand in front of while our guests stand around us, filling the circle. Unfortunately, there is only a gravel path leading up to the space and the landscaping isn't the greatest. 

We by-passed the second space because it was worse than the other two and walked down to the last space which was the farthest down the path. This would be a long trek for me with my dress and heels, but we were considering it.

This space had one path that was full of random, large rocks (a perfect place for me to twist my ankle,) but the other path was paved. The "flower gardens" that we were told about were currently over grown with weeds and other plants. It looked like no one had been around since January. Also, after a few calculations by Keegan, we found out that to fit 150 people in this semi-circle, each people would only have about 2.5 feet of space. I know that our families and guests like each other, but I don't think they're that friendly. 

We pretty much decided right then and there that these rock gardens wouldn't work for our wedding. We didn't want to chance them not getting finished in the next 2.5 months and having to scramble the day of our wedding to find a suitable space.

So, we came up with Plan B, the large lawn directly outside of the pavilion.

Our friends got married in this space (a few feet to the right) almost 3 years ago now, and we remembered it working well.

Originally, when we were still having the ceremony in the rock garden, we were going to have all of our guests stand for our 15ish minute ceremony and have just a few chairs for our flower girls and grandparents to sit in. However, after seeing all the space we have to work with now, we've started re-thinking things.

I've always loved the idea of laying out blankets on the ground and letting our guests sit on them during the ceremony. I love the laid-back feel of it, but when I brought up the idea, Keegan shot it down pretty quickly.

(Please excuse my poor Photoshopping in these next few photos)

Keegan was worried about where we'd find enough blankets to seat everyone. I figure that they don't need to match, so if we ask both of our moms, a few aunts and friends, we could come up with enough. 

Option two was to get hay bales and use them as seats. While driving home last night (don't worry, Keegan was driving,) I did a quick search for hay bales in our area. Many farmers around Columbia are selling hay bales on Craigslist for $2-$5 each. This seemed like the best idea until we really thought of the logistics of using hay bales. First of all, if we fit 3 people per bale, we'd need over 60 bales. Now the cost of 60 bales at $2 each isn't that bad, but we have no way of transporting them. Neither Keegan or I have a truck, and I can't think of any of our friends or family that has one. Even if we did have a few friends with trucks, they'd have to make multiple trips to transport the bales. Second, what do we do with 60 bales of hay after the wedding? We thought of asking our friend who owns a deer farm if he could use them, but that involves transporting them to Jeff City the night of the wedding which I'm sure no one will volunteer for.

 

We thought for a split second about compromising and putting quilts on hay bales, but that just mixes the problems of each idea together. What would we do with 60+ quilts and hay bales after the wedding?

Another option would be to rent chairs for everyone. A rental place close to our ceremony space sells white folding chairs which would work. They don't have their prices online so I'm not sure how expensive this would be, but I'm sure it's not cheap. I'm sure there would also be a delivery fee or we'd have to figure out how to transport the chairs.

Our last option? Just have people stand like we originally thought we would. We're only have a 15ish minute ceremony so people can stand that long, right? While it's not "traditional" and we'd have to figure out how to designate an aisle for us to walk down, but besides that, this would be the cheapest and easiest option.

So unless I have an epiphany, those are our options. Anyone have any opinions? Do you think our guests could stand for 15 minutes? Is it rude not to offer some sort of seating?

I....Just Don't Understand

(Originally posted 5.16.12)

I'm not going to lie, I've been cheating on my regular blogs (see my blog list on the right) with wedding blogs recently. Not that I haven't been catching up on all of my favorites, I just haven't actively been searching for new ones to read because I've dived head first into wedding blog land.

My biggest mistress? WeddingBee. I found WeddingBee a few months ago and have been hooked since. I love the fact that you can follow a bride from the beginning of her engagement all the way to her wedding day and recaps.

After reading through a few ladies' blogs, however, I just don't understand how so many of them pay so much for food. I've seen ranges of $20-$40 per person! Granted, they're serving 3 course meals with salads and appetizers, but I still don't understand how they can shell out that money for a guest list of 200 people!

Many of them are going with well-known restaurants or caterers that specify in weddings and large events, so I kind of understand the cost. Also, many of them are from larger cities (NYC, Dallas, L.A.) where the cost of everything is greater, not just wedding food.

I'm not trying to offend anyone by what I'm saying. I know that each couple, wedding, and budget are different. I guess I'm just sticker shocked at the price these ladies are willing to pay for food since our guests will be getting meals that are $8 per person (not including cake and alcohol.) Yep, you read that right. $8 per person.

How are we doing this? We're going with a grocery store, Hy-Vee to be specific. At first I was totally against going with a grocery store for our wedding, it just seemed like... not special enough? However, we had scoped out a few other possibilities and they were all mind-blowingly expensive (in my opinion) for not a whole lot of food.

What do our guests get for $8? Well, we had a few options, believe it or not. Originally, when looking at other places, we only had enough money to offer our guests appetizers. I hated that idea because I felt like so many of our guests were coming form out of city, state, or country that the least we could do was feed them dinner.

We started our search with Hy-Vee at the appetizer level. For $8 per person, we could offer our guests a selection of 4 appetizers. After scrolling down their list of dinners, we realized that we could actually serve our guests a full dinner for the same price! We had the options of a deli bar, salad bar, taco bar, potato bar, soup, salad and sandwich bar, a pasta bar, or a pizza buffet all for $8 per person. After some discussion, we decided that the pasta bar would be the best for our guests.

The pasta bar gets us a choice of lasagna or two pastas (fettucine, spaghetti or penne,) a choice of two sauces (marinara, Alfredo or meat sauce,) a choice of one toppings (meatballs, chicken or vegetable,) as well as a garden or Caesar salad and breadsticks or garlic bread. Sounds like a pretty awesome dinner if I do say so myself!

We're having our tasting on Saturday for our main food, cupcakes, and decisions on alcohol and other drinks. Of course there are a few more fees (such as $200 for set up and service for the buffet,) but overall, this was the cheapest food we could find that didn't sound like it came out of a hole in the wall. I just hope that it tastes as well as it fits into our budget.

DIY Wedding: Flower Girl Baskets

(Originally posted 5.15.12)

Back in January, when we were in Columbia visiting for Christmas, my mom, Keegan, and I ran into Hobby Lobby to see what we could find for the wedding.

We found 2 flower girl baskets that were originally $32 each for $8. They weren't perfect, but I figured I could add some personal touches to make them work.

These are what they originally looked like. I wasn't a fan of the fabric around the edges with the random stitching, so I took it off. It was only hot glued on so it came off pretty easily.

Next, I messed around with adding the green ribbon that has been throughout many of our projects, and we came up with this:

Yes, that is a Diablo III box in the background. It was delivered to our house today and we love it! /nerd

There is a problem with one side of one of the baskets. Before I put on the thin green ribbon bow on the side, I had a thick green bow. I just wasn't liking how it looked, so I took it off. However, the hot glue I used is stuck there. Think anyone will notice? I'm sure our flower girls won't and I'll just have our photographer take pictures of the basket without random spots of glue on it.

Overall, I'm pretty happy with them. I think that they fit the "feeling" or "theme" of our wedding a lot better, and they were super cheap!

Operation Lookin' Sexy Update

(Originally posted 5.15.12)

So, I've totally failed on keeping and tabs on my operation lookin' sexy. I fell off the wagon for about two months and have just recently started giving it more of my time and attention in this last month and a half. I created a profile on SparkPeople and have been tracking my calorie intake as well as my work outs. I've been doing my Jillian Michael's 30 days Shred DVD at least three times a week in the mornings before work.

I *think* I'm seeing progress. My pants are looser (thank goodness for belts,) I can hook my bra a notch tighter, and a volunteer from work came up and asked me last Friday if I've lost weight. Even Keegan has told me I'm skinner without being prompted (not that he needs me to prompt him to tell me I look good, but you know what I mean.)

The only problem? The scale isn't telling me that my new routine is working. I'm confused as to if I've actually lost weight. I'll weigh myself in the mornings and the scale will tell me that I've lost 3 pounds. If I weigh myself at night, it looks like I haven't lost any weight. I know that my weight will be lower in the mornings after 8 hours of not eating and my weight will be higher at night after consuming three meals, but it's kind of disappointing to not see the scale move after a month of hard work.

I know that the general school of thought is to go off of how your clothes feel, and mine are certainly feeling looser, but I'd still like to see the numbers drop. Anyone have any ideas as to why it seems like I'm loosing inches but not overall weight? Ultimately I just want to be healthier than I currently am, but it would be a confidence booster to see the numbers drop. Should I just continue what I'm doing and eventually my body will catch up?

I have my first dress fitting on Saturday, so we'll see how that goes. Wish me luck!

Trying to Remember

(Originally posted 5.14.12)

The wedding industry tell brides things they have to have. I get constant emails telling me that I have to have flowers, a big poofy dress, and a limo to drive my wedding party around. If I don't, my wedding isn't really a wedding.

So far, I've warded off the "have to's" pretty well. No church, flower, limo or big dresses here.

Unfortunately, there is one part of the wedding industry that I feel I need to have.

A wedding videographer.

When I first started planning my wedding, I saw that people were paying upwards of $2000 for a video of their wedding. I scoffed at throwing money away for a video that we'll probably never watch again and figured the pictures that our amazing photographer would capture would be enough.

Don't get me wrong, I loved the videos that have come out recently. They're much more cinematic and artistic instead of looking like Aunt Lora filmed the whole thing. I just couldn't justify spending $2000 or more on a video while keeping our budget.

I kept seeing wedding videos around (including probably the most famous video,) and the thought started creeping into my head that maybe, possibly, it would be nice to have. I ran the idea by Keegan and he flat out refused. He said he didn't like being on camera and the fact that his parents have a wedding video but never watched it solidified the fact that it was a waste of money.

I dropped the idea, but kept it in the back of my mind. As time passed, I realized that I just didn't want a wedding video, I kind of needed one. Not need in the sense that "I need because I want," but the fact that I'm 22 years old and I'm losing my memory.

I first noticed that I'm having trouble retaining memories about a year ago. Keegan and I went on a vacation together in the summer of 2009 to Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Looking back, I can't remember any of it. I know that we went hiking to see the waterfalls. I know that we spent time in a cabin. I know that we went and toured the local artist village. However, when I try to bring those images to my memory, I can't. I don't remember what anything looks like except the few pictures I have.

Another instance is the Flogging Molly concert Keegan and I went to in January 2011. I know that we, and her family, surrounded an 11 year old girl, shielding her from the title wave of drunk, dancing idiots, but I can't remember the band playing. I have no idea what songs they played, what any of them looked like up close (we were right up against the stage) or what the venue looked like. The only reason I remember the story about the little girl is because I've told the story over and over. I have no idea what she looks like, though.

I thought that my memory loss was due to the fact that I was on more medications than I have fingers. However, since getting off the medications, my memory hasn't improved. I still can't remember our vacation or the Flogging Molly Concert, but I'm also still having trouble retaining new memories.

My biggest fear is that in a year or two, I won't remember my wedding day. I want to remember my what my dad says as he marries us, I want to remember the vows that Keegan says to me. I want to remember the interacts I have with my friends and family. Pictures can only bring back so much and I'm afraid they won't be enough.

Over the weekend I confessed my worry to Keegan and he said that we could look into getting a wedding videographer. I searched Google for "wedding videographers in Columbia and Kansas City," but all of the ones that popped up were big companies that wanted more money than we can afford. I turned to Craigslist to see if there was a student advertising their services. I also asked my friend, Chelsea, who started Tiny Attic Productions to see if she'd be interested. I found a few companies on Craigslist who are more in my price range, but are still charging anywhere from $800-$1500 for their services.

I know that an option would be to ask a friend or family member to video our wedding, but I don't want to put my friends and family to work on a day that they should be hanging out and relaxing with us.

I haven't heard back from Chelsea or the people from Craigslist yet, so I guess we'll see what happens. If one of the companies off Craigslist responds to us, we'll have to do some major cutting in other areas to fit them into our budget. No more out of town bags for our guests, no more candy buffet or other fun personal details. I hate that it has come down to getting a videographer or providing things for our guests. So many of our guests are coming from out of city or state (or in my family, country,) so I want to give them the best experience to thank them for supporting us. However, in my heart, I know that our guests won't care if they got an out of town bag, but a potential wedding video will stay with us forever. Or at least until we lose the DVD.

Wedding Invitation Cost Breakdown

(Originally posted 5.9.12)

When I first started looking into wedding invitations, I was surprised at how expensive they were.  Brides everywhere were saying that $3-5 per invitation was a good price. We were looking at sending over 100 invitations and couldn't see spending $500! I decided that I would make my own invitation suite and started doing some research.

One of the first places I found for paper and envelopes was Action Envelope. They had comparable prices to other paper places so I decided to order my paper from them.

Back in October, I placed an order with Action Envelope for 5 of they envelopes in different colors. They were $1 each and with my order I got a $5 credit on my next order.

I got one A9 sized envelope in each of these 5 colors:

"Linen"

"Avocado"

"Grocery Bag"

"Chocolate"

"Racing Green"

We had already picked out our color scheme, so we wanted to see what the different greens looked like as well as figuring out if we wanted a white-ish envelope or something colored. 

We ended up loving the "racing green" color so we decided to use it as the main color for our invitations. The "avocado," "chocolate," and "mandarin" color would be used as accent colors. We chose the "linen" paper and envelope because it had such a great texture and added that something special to the invitations. 

We ordered our paper in December. We ordered 250 sheets of "natural linen" paper for $18.95, 250 sheets of the "racing green" paper for $42.95, 50 sheets of paper in "avocado" for $10.95, 50 sheets in "chocolate" for $15.95 and 50 sheets of paper in "mandarin" for $15.95.

Total with the $5 credit from ordering the sample envelopes taken off and $11.27 in shipping, our paper cost us $155.87. 

Later, we had to order another 250 sheets of the linen paper because we ran out. The paper was $19.95 plus $9.24 in shipping to equal $29.19. 

Ordering the extra linen paper took our total up to $185.06 for the paper (including shipping charges.)

Each invitation took 2.5 sheets of the linen paper for the main information sheets, ~1/4 of a linen sheet for the RSVP card, 1 sheet of the racing green paper for the back, approximately 1/5 of a sheet of racing green paper for the pocket,  ~1/4 of the avocado paper for the back of the RSVP card, and ~1/5 of the avocado paper for the band. I'm not counting the punched-out clovers and leaves in the cost because they were all punched out from scraps left over from cutting out the main parts of the invitations and other projects.

Linen Paper:
$18.95 + $19.95 = $38.90 (total amount paid for linen paper)
$38.90/400 (number of sheets) = 9.7 cents per page
9.7 cents x 2.75 sheets (amount used per invitation) = 26.70 cents of linen used per invitation

Racing Green Paper:
$42.95/250 (number of sheets) = 17.18 cents per page
17.18 cents x 1.2 (amount used per invitation) = 20.6 cents of racing green used per invitation

Avocado Paper:
$10.95/50 (number of sheets) = 21.9 cents per page
21.9 cents x .45 (amount used per invitation) = 9.8 cents of avocado used per invitation

Cost of paper per invitation: 57.1 cents (26.70 + 20.6 + 9.8)

Each envelope also got an A9 envelope and an A1 envelope for the RSVP. The outside envelopes were $44.95 for 150 and the envelopes for the RSVP cards were $32.85 for 150 (not including shipping.)

Outside Envelope: $44.95/150 = 29.9 cents

RSVP Envelop: $32.85/150 = 21.9 cents

Cost of envelopes per invitation:  51.8 cents (29.9 + 21.9)

Running total: $1.09 per invitation 


Other Expenses:

We bought 3 packs of "glue dots" to put together the invitations at ~$2.65/pack = $7.95

After the "glue dots" ran out, we used double stick tape at $5.95 for a 2 pack x 2 = $11.90

The punches we used to make the clover and leaf shapes were ~$20

I bought a paper cutter at $25 plus 2 packs of blades for another $12 which totals $37

We made 112 invitations so to get the price of each "other expense," I'm going to divide the cost by 112. 

Glue Dots: $7.95/112 = 7.09 cents
Double Stick Tape: $11.90/112 = 10.6 cents
Punches: 17.8 cents
Paper Cutter & Blades: 33 cents

Total for "others" = 68.49 cents

Running total: $1.09 (paper) + 68.49 cents ("others") =  $1.77 per invitation

Postage
We put a single 65 cent stamp on the outside envelope to send our invitations to everyone in the U.S. We also put a 45 cent stamp on the RSVP card for people to send back to us. For our guests in the U.S. we spent $1.10 in postage per invitation. 

For our out of country guests (my family in Canada, ) we put two 65 cent stamps on the outside envelope, but no 45 cent stamp on the RSVP card because we figured they'd have to put Canadian postage on something sent in Canada. For our out of country guests we spent $1.30 in postage.

Total cost per invitation
U.S. guests: $2.87 ($1.77 for paper and "others" plus $1.10 postage)
Canada guests: $3.07 ($1.77 for paper and "others" plus $1.30 in postage)
(total does not include shipping charges or gas used to drive to craft stores) 

I'm actually extremely proud of this. I couldn't find a pre-made or ordered invitation for this cheap. We did pay out the wazoo for postage (because I stupidly went over the 1 ounce mark for 45 cent stamps) but overall, I'm extremely proud of the way they turned out and the cost. Even though it took me what seemed like forever to get them done, I would do it all over again in a heart beat. 

Invitation Reveal

(Originally posted 5.8.12)

Now that the invitations have gone all the way out to Arizona, I figure it's ok for me to show the rest of the world without ruining anyone's surprise.

Unfortunately I had to blur out some of the person information in the last two pictures for the sake of privacy. 

I loved the linen paper. It had such an amazing texture which I feel really added a lot to the invitations.

I'm so happy with the way they turned out. I feel like they've very person, give our guests all the information they could possibly need and were cheaper than anything I found pre-made or made when ordered. I've gotten good responses from our guests so far!

Bridal Blunder + Yay!

(Originally posted on 5.5.12)

On Thursday, May 4, we finally finished and mailed most of our invitations! I say "most" because I still have about 12 to make for Keegan's co-workers that he will hand deliver at work. I ran out of double stick tape, however, so I can't complete them until we run to the store.

All of my lovelies in a bag on their way to the post office. 

Anyways, before the wonderful day of sending my packets of joy into the world, I made a bridal blunder. You see, when I had the invitations about 50% completed, I weighed them on the mail scale we have at work. They weighed half an ounce. To use the regular 45 cent, or "forever" stamps, your letter has to weigh under 1 ounce. I figured that adding our RSVP cards and envelopes couldn't possibly put us over the 1 ounce mark, so I went ahead and purchased 6 sheets of the "Love" forever stamps from USPS.com to total about $57.

Do you see where this is going?

One day at work, I decided to bring in a completed invitation to weigh once again just to make sure we were still under the 1 ounce mark.

I set the invitation down on the scale and 1.1 ounces flashed up at me. I take the invitation off and weigh it again. 1.1 ounces.

Crap.

Long story short, I had to go to the post office, have them weigh it to make sure we were actually over 1 ounce and then buy $75 of the 65 cent wedding cake stamps.

We figured that it was cheaper for us to use one 65 cent stamp per invitation as apposed to two 45 cent stamps.

I suppose our water, gas, electric and mortgage companies will think we love them whenever we send in our bills.

Future, (or current) brides, take it from me. Double, no, triple check how much your invitations and save the dates weigh before buying postage. It'll save you from having your electric company thinking that you love to give them your money. 

Etsy Is My Best Friend...

(Originally posted 5.1.12) 

....and my worst enemy.

Over the weekend, I made a hair flower that I'm thinking of wearing after I take off my veil for the reception.

(If anyone wants a tutorial, just tell me. It basically involves a lot of petal stripping and hot glueing.) 

Anyways, after I made my hair flower (of course) I decided to check out Etsy to see if they had anything that might interest me. I didn't look at Etsy before making my flower because I figured I wouldn't find anything or everything would be out of my price range.

Boy was I wrong.

First I started out with maple leaf hair thing-ys (yes, that's the technical name.) 

Found here. 

A little out of my price range ($51,) but amazing nonetheless. 

Found here.

Much more in my budget and so cute! 

Found here.
Want.

Next I moved onto clover/shamrock hair thing-ys

Unfortunately, a lot of them were made out of ribbon which was too much of a hand-made feeling for me, but I still think they're cute. 

Found here. 

Found here.

Only $4!

Found here, again only $4. 

Maybe I could wear a leaf in my hair and Keegan could wear a clover as a boutonniere?

Anyone want to help me convince Keegan that I need one of these since I already made my hair flower?

Edit:
Scratch all those, I want these:

These are more than I would pay for hair flowers ($39), but they're so pretty! And they look so much more put together than anything I could make.   

Sit Where You Please?

(Originally posted 4.26.12)

I'm currently in a debate with myself about how we're going to seat guests at our wedding.
Option 1: Assign seating with place cards and table numbers (the more traditional route.)
Option 2: Let everyone sit whilly-nilly as they please.

There seem to be two schools of thought when it comes to seating people at weddings (from what I've seen on the numerous wedding blogs I've read.) One says that by telling people where to sit, it allows for families and friends to mingle and mix, something they may not do on their own. This might be the only time that this group of people is together, so you might as well make them interact and get to know each other.

The other side says that by allowing people to sit where they want, friends get to sit with friends (which is nice after college when everyone is scattered around and may not get to see each other often,) families can mix and mingle as they want instead of being pushed together, and its one less thing for the bride to worry about. 

The way I see it: 

Option 1: Assign seating with place cards and table numbers (the more traditional route.)

Pros:

• this ensures that there will be enough places for everyone to sit. 
• it deters people with a large party or family from taking over an entire table and leaving a random space or two
• woohoo more DIY projects (table numbers and place cards)

Cons:

• I have to actually figure out a seating chart
• I don't want to make people sit with someone they don't know. Maybe it's just me, but I like to meet people on my own terms instead of having to sit with them awkwardly at dinner. 

Option 2: Let everyone sit whilly-nilly as they please.

Pros:

• People get to pick who they spend the majority of the night with
• Friends and families can re-connect over dinner
• I don't have to worry about making a seating chart
• I can still dress up the tables with other DIY projects that don't include table numbers. 

Cons:

• The biggest thing I'm worried about is that a large family or group of friends will sit together and take up the majority of the table leaving only one or two spots left. This could deter people from sitting there and couples or families may have to split up to find spots to sit. 

When Keegan and I originally talked about seating, we decided to allow people to sit wherever they wanted. We didn't care about assigned seating and we wanted our guests to be comfortable so we just decided to let people take care of themselves. I think I'm still leaning towards the sit-where-you-please route, I'm just worried that it's going to cause some awkward seating problems.

Anyone have any opinions? Did one way work over another for you? I mean, I figured that assigned seating has been used for so long that there must be some rhyme and reason for it, right? 

100 Days!

(Originally posted 4.25.12)

Source

There are officially 100 days until our wedding. I can't believe it!  I would be lying if I said I wasn't counting down (see the counter at the top right?) but the 100 days mark still seemed to sneak up on me. Every time I think about it, I get a flutter of nerves and excitement in my stomach.

100 days until I marry my bestest best friend.

97 days until I'm in Columbia with my friends and family

102 days until we leave for our honeymoon in Canada where I get to see all of my extended family and Keegan gets to meet them for the first time.

May is going to be a busy month. We're going up for my sister's graduation (woot woot!) and we have our tasting at Hy-Vee the same weekend. Hopefully our bridesmaid's dresses will continue coming in (2 our of 4 are in,) we'll settle on a menu, finish some more DIY projects and I'm hoping my dress will come in by June like it was promised.

June we have a wedding at the beginning and end of the month which I'm excited about. I've been to a total of 2 weddings, one when I was 11, the other about 2 years ago. During both of these weddings, I wasn't really "scoping out" ideas for my own wedding, so I'm excited to see if I can pick up any ideas from these weddings. Also, the wedding at the end of the month will be Keegan's cousin's, so I'll be able to meet a lot of his dad's side of the family I haven't met yet.

July brings a potential bridal shower at the beginning of the month and my birthday about a week before the wedding. I'm sure I'll be a big bigger ball of nerves by then!

I'm so excited to start counting down in the double didgits. I can't wait to marry my best friend surrounded by the love of friends and family.

Rehearsal Dinner vs. Family Gathering

(Originally posted 4.24.12)

Otherwise titled "I should have listened to Keegan's mother in the first place"

When we first started discussing what we'd do for our rehearsal dinner, Keegan's mom, Ann, wanted to invite all of our out of town guests. When I first heard this idea, red flags went up in my head and I was totally against the idea. Why? I don't honestly know. I guess I had visions of an intimate dinner with just our families and wedding party. I'd give out the wedding parties' gifts, someone would make a toast and we'd be on our way. I really wanted to hold the rehearsal dinner at Shakespeare's, Columbia's best pizza joint. I wanted something laid back and not stressful, especially since it would be the night before the wedding.

After politely telling this to Keegan's mom, (well having Keegan break the news to his mom,) Ann went and called a bunch of restaurants, including Shakespeare's, to see if they could hold our 25 person wedding party. Unfortunately Shakespeare's wasn't willing to hold their party room on a Friday night for us and all of the other restaurants Ann spoke to didn't have a big enough room to hold us all. This drawback made me re-think what our rehearsal dinner should be.

Another thing that made me re-think our rehearsal dinner was actually our guests. A lot of our guests (I'd say about 90%) are going to be coming from out of town. The majority of Keegan's father's family is from Kansas City; his mom's side is scattered all over the place. All of my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents) live in Canada. Almost all of our friends have moved away after college. At first I didn't think anyone would come, especially my family from Canada. I just couldn't see them driving or flying down for just a weekend. However, after we sent out our save the dates, word got back to us that a lot of our friends and family are hoping to make it down.

After hearing this news, I all of a sudden wanted to spend more time with our guests, especially the ones who took so much time out of their lives to come to our wedding. I threw out the idea of having a get together with our guests after the rehearsal dinner, but Keegan reminded me that we're doing our bachelor/bachelorette parties afterwards. I really wanted to hang out with our friends and families for more than just a few hours during the weekend so I threw out the idea of having a large family gathering instead of a more intimate rehearsal dinner.

Keegan looked at me and said, "You know that's what my mom wanted to do in the first place, right?"

Yeah. I know. I explained that I didn't know why I was against it in the first place, but I've slowly come around to the idea. Keegan called his mom (again) and basically told her that his fiancee is crazy and that we should go back to trying to plan a family gathering.

We threw out ideas of trying to get our (almost) caterer to bring food over to the hotel our guests will be staying in, but Ann told us that they didn't have a room big enough to hold a party our size. All of a sudden a light bulb came on over my head. Idea! Why don't we rent out our reception venue for Friday night and have the gathering there? It's large enough to hold all of our guests (hopefully,) it has a play place for the kids, and having our guests come there the night before will ensure they know where the venue is. The current food idea is to bring in hotdogs, burgers and other foods and basically have a pot luck.

Renting the venue out for Friday will also allow us to do some preliminary set up for the big day on Saturday. Before, we would have had to get the keys at 8 a.m. on Saturday, set everything up (while making sure Keegan doesn't see me,) get ready and then be back at the venue by 4 to do pictures. It would have been do-able, but stressful; something I don't want to be on my wedding day.

Ann still has to call and make sure the venue is open on Friday (if it's not, I'm not sure what we're going to do,) but I'm excited again. After trying to figure out the logistics of having a 25 person wedding party and who would pay for what, our rehearsal dinner was becoming one big headache. Now I'm excited to spend some more time with our friends and families who are going to take time out of their busy schedules to be with us on one of the most important days of our lives. 

I guess the old saying is right. "Momma (or your soon-to-be husband's momma) knows best."

Crazy Dreams Part 2

(Originally Posted 4.20.12)

Remember this post where I recounted all of my crazy wedding dreams?

Well my subconscious has been at it again. Except instead of crazy wedding dreams, my nights have been filled with dreams of my ex-boyfriends and high school crushes.

Take last night for example.

I dreamed that my ex-boyfriend who I lived with before/while seeing Keegan (don't ask, it's a long story,) tried to kill me. He put me in a car and tried to run the car into a brick building.

Dream two was about my high school crush. For some reason, my dad and two sisters had tickets to see Dropkick Murphys and The Dubliners (note, Dropkick is one of my favorite bands, however I haven't listened to the Dubliners much at all. Where my subconscious got this idea, I don't know.) I don't think my dad or my sisters listen to this music so why we were going to a concert, I don't know.

Anyways, all of  sudden high school crush came into the picture and said he wanted to go to the concert with me. I told him that I didn't think my youngest sister wanted to go so I'd try to steal her ticket for him. We were in the car driving to the venue and in my dream I got those butterflies-in-my-stomach-I-think-you're-cute feelings that I had for this boy most of my high school years.

With my other wedding dreams, I figured my subconscious was trying to tell me that I was stressed about the wedding and not getting all of the details finished in time. With the latest bunch of dreams, I wondered at first if my subconscious was trying to tell me that deep down inside I'm not 100% sure about marring Keegan. After about a nanosecond of thinking that, I realized that I am 100% sure about marrying Keegan. Ex-boyfriends and high school crushes are a thing of the past for a reason. We weren't compatible in one way or another, but I needed to be with these boys so that I could understand what a good thing I have with Keegan. The bad that came out of those ex-romances has shown me all of the good that I have with Keegan.

I'm thinking these dreams are my subconscious' "fling before the ring." She's re-living the fun of being with a new person before being tied down with having to dream about babies, kitchen gadgets and other wifey things. I'll let her have her fun for a little while longer, but deep down inside I know that I've made the right decision. She just needs to get on the right page.

Any engaged or married women out there have dreams about their exs before tying the knot or do I just have an active imagination?